circular motion

Deminishing Light

In my darkest night, thoughts race rampantly through me. I am in motion, though still, animosity flows. It travels the length of my soul. It is my existences. It is the impossibility of change. I speak of true change from what I have become. A monster of uncontrolled existence, of impulsivity. To me, I can not see an end. It is impossible since the sight of my eyes do not encompass my actions. Rationale, is a concept which I have clung to in my state, in my existence. I believe in my mind and in my heart there is the purity of good intentions. But, my intentions are lead astray by my wayward existence. I am lost and each passing moment has continued to lead me farther and farther from what is right. Righteousness does not exist in my world. It is only through the eyes of others which leads me to the path of salvation. Sadly, often it is my darkest hour which reflects from the eyes of loved ones. The revelation of my confusion is often useless, since its late hour has brought me to the point of no return. I have destroyed my foundation and I teeter on the brink of devastation, bringing with me the love of my soul. I speak of my soulmate. He does not deserve this fallen life. His loyalty is undeserving. Though without it my walls would crumble, my world would cease to exist and I would lay down and die. He is the glue which holds me together. He is the one who has provided the tiniest ray of light and warmth in my life. I am saddened by my continuous acts of destruction- which rips at him like a dull blade which mutilates his flesh. Oblivious, I continue to destroy his world over and over. He is without soul and it is I who has pulverized it. Remorse beats through my heart and flows in my veins but a change never remains. Only momentary knowledge of my destruction ever exists. Swiftly, i am once again encapsulated in the confusion of my world. Blind to the darkness of my ways. Once again clouded by my wayward good intentions. Chaos runs rampantly once again. And the blade rips deepening his wound which has no end.

written by Marlo Suderski
8/23/07